hostage negotiations hit new snag

Ayanese rebels refusing to talk or wedge open door further; prefer to communicate entirely by kicking hostage brutally in bladder. Hostage near despair. Please do not call to find out how big the damn baby is and what time she came out, as you too will be kicked in bladder. Hostage misses son, who has been sent to in-laws for duration, assuming duration is not the entire 8 nights of hanukkah.

Hint to universe: When I asked for a hanukkah miracle, I did not mean the miracle of a labor that lasts 8 nights. That is not what I meant, at all.