Unexploded Blogs: A Disaster in the Making

Every day, thousands (millions?) of people start blogs. Perhaps they have a friend who has a blog; perhaps they think it will help them get a date, or a job, or a friend. Perhaps they think someone out there gives a shit about their political opinions, or their cat, or their baby, or their crappy pregnancy. Most of these people are not aware of the incredible danger their blogs pose to innocent civilians, or to civilization. If the scourge of blogging is not stopped, unexploded blogs stand to be the single most serious humanitarian emergency in the world as early as 2020, dwarfing even the consequences of global warming.


There are two types of unexploded blogs:
1. the abandoned blog.
2. all other blogs that are not currently a pop-culture phenomenon.

Type 1: Most blogs are abandoned. Abandoned blogs are not a danger to anyone, except insofar as they may be unexpectedly be reactivated, putting them into category 2. Some blogs vacillate back and forth between activation states, as though they've got loose electrical connections, an especially dangerous and unstable form of Type 1 blogs.

Type 2 blogs, particularly those purportedly written by teenage girls with existential angst, have the capacity to explode into pop-culture phenomena at any time. Suddenly their traffic will spike. Ordinary people, caught up in the shrapnel from the explosion, find themselves watching YouTube movies about the blog, or perhaps composing blog fanfic. The consequences in lost productivity and intellectual decay are immeasurable. Type 2 unexploded blogs pose a serious danger to the world, and must be stopped.

The only humanitarian solution is a complete ban on blogs. They are not, as some have claimed, of purely military application with collateral damage only. Civilian casualties are not a side effect of blogs, but their very purpose. That many of those starting blogs do not realize this purpose is no excuse; their intentions do not cancel out the inherently evil nature of blogs -- the purpose for which they were invented: namely, the destruction of civilization through overexposure, inundation, stultification, titillation, stupefaction, and trivialization of the populace.

Blogs must be stopped. They are an affront to our values as Americans, and as human beings. Please join the Campaign Against Unexploded Blogs today, and help make blogs history.

P.S.: I continue to feel strongly that Blogger's spellchecker should not flag blog, blogs, and blogging as misspelled words.